Church and me

I am thinking about what the church is, and what it isn't. My part in it. What He intended, and what it has become.
I am not a Bible student, or a philosopher, and I only have my own opinions.
I am torn, right now, between keeping attending my current church, or searching for another. Not because I don't love it, but because I am frustrated with the people in it.
I truly believe that I am on earth to be His servant. That I actually don't know HOW he wants me to serve is a point in my frustration. I know that because I have an ego, part of me that is just IS, the ego is part of the make-up of God, because I am made in his image. Kind of weird, but still what I believe. I don't believe that that ego should get in the way of what He wants me to do. It shouldn't really matter if He wants me to clean bathrooms or be an evangelist. I would be doing what He tells me to do, and that would be the end of it. I would be as important to Him as the evangelist, and I would be doing His will. Really...I would MUCH rather clean bathrooms than get up in front of people and talk :)! He was very clear that the little toe is as important to His body as the right hand. It just seems that everyone wants to be the right hand, and no one wants to be anything else. God is made up of a bunch of right hands.....NOT!!!!
Of course, there are those that think that they should be the brain of God. That they know EXACTLY what everyone else should be doing. Infighting in church, egos flying, getting in the way, is the best tool of the devil. He always manages to get people who don't believe to find out about the worst cases of "I am so important"itis. Then they can point and say...see? they are the same (if not worse) than me, so why should I believe in their God?
The other part of being God is judgment. I am very glad I am not He that separates the saved from the lost. Those big judgments would be horrible! But I have no problem in judging the "little" things. The problem with that is that all judgment comes under the heading of "judgment" and we are told, in easy to understand terms, NOT TO JUDGE!!!! The Word doesn't say "don't judge big things" or "don't judge life and death things" or "don't judge if a person is saved". It simply says not to judge. At all. Any. None.
Only God can judge righteously, because he can see my thoughts and my heart. He KNOWS me intimately, and knows my walk, my thoughts, my motivation, my backstory. He judges with compassion and love.
Another problem with judging is that with judgment comes the telling of who and what has been judged, and why. I guess if your brain judges some one, it needs to tell everyone else what has been decided. How the person has failed, and why, and maybe even what punishment should be given. Then other people chime in on how they feel about that person, how they feel on YOUR judgment, what THEIR judgment would be, and maybe even disagree with the basic judgment which leads to camps of people who agree, disagree, and even divisions within THOSE camps!!!
All based on something that shouldn't have happened in the first place...judging.
I do know that we are to be discerning, to determine what is good for us, what is wrong for us, what hurts us, and what helps us to grow. I am very confused on the line that separates judgment from discernment. Is it the difference between things and people? No...because people are as destructive to us as things. There are people out there that I simply cannot be around because they bring out the very things in me I want to get rid of. There are other people I know, that by just being around me make my life brighter and more focused on Him. I also know it isn't just a matter of living in a bubble and doing what is right for just me, because I do NOT live in a bubble, and what I do does affect others, even if I am not aware of it.
I just really hate seeing a church self destruct through the hurts that judgment puts on it. I hate that little groups get together and discuss other people. I hate that a piece of paper makes some people judge that that person is "worthy" of leading, or the lack of it makes him not worthy. As far as I know, Jesus held no degrees in higher bible teaching. I hate how one discontent group can infect a whole lot of good people. I know that hate is not a good thing, but I am told to hate that which He hates, and I know that he absolutely HATES seeing his people act like little kids trying to be the biggest, baddest bullies on the playground.
I would love to see my church, my body of believers, be a bright shining light that attracts people because of the way they love each other. I would love to be part of that. I also know that we the church are also we the people. People aren't God. I am not good like God. I am not all knowing, like God. I am not as compassionate as God. I am not God. Thank GOD!!!! I am told to be Christ-like, to be a Christ-follower. I am told to be Godly. But never once, that I can find, am I told to BE God.
I also know that getting mad, getting upset when people hurt me is okay. David was very good about calling on Him to kill and destroy his enemies, and God didn't take away his "man after God's heart" award. I don't know that God actually did all the things that David asked Him to do, but he listened to the hurt and the fear that led to David's asking. The only thing is, being hurt and mad can lead me into sin. That is what I have to watch out for. That the hurt and mad I feel will allow me to judge and then try to get back at them, forgetting that He will always avenge and protect me. And his way is ALWAYS better than mine. Thank God!
I can't just pick and choose the people that go to "my" church. Any one is welcomed by Him, and I should be able to allow His people in my "space". God, give me grace. Give me peace. Allow your light to be mine. Protect me in the dark places, and let your goodness shine and let me see that your way is the best way for me.